The Voice and The X Factor – What to Expect?

10 Sep

Who would you take in a fight, the judges of the X Factor vs. the judges of the Voice. It is a fair, four-on-four rumble. I would go with The Voice. Cee Lo would simply smother the new X Factor judge Demi Lovato…with uncomfortable come-ons and his wide array of tattoos, of course. Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid would put up a good fight (maybe Reid will call on Bieber for back-up), but ultimately, the country crooner and man with moves like Jagger, would pin Cowell and Reid. The battle between former Mickey Mouse club stars, Spears and Aguilera could get ugly. 

Last year, the Voice and X Factor did not go head-to-head, but this season they will be duking it out for viewers just one channel apart. Fox vs. NBC – the battle of the two singing competitions that are not aging superpower American Idol. Cowell has already thrown the first punch, calling the Voice’s decision to add a third night of auditions into their Wednesday time slot this week, “a cynical, cold-hearted, unprofessional way of doing business.” Oh, yeah. Simon is back!

So what can we expect from Season 2 of the X Factor and Season 3 of the Voice? Why should you watch either show? Well, that’s up to you. But, let’s delve into each show and figure it out.

The X Factor:

In Review:

For all intents and purposes, Simon Cowell’s decision to leave American Idol was smart. Idol has become tired. The talent is tired. It has run its course, despite its attempt of revitalization with the new judges. But, to think, Cowell disrupted one stable judge panel to bring his UK import to the United States, and he couldn’t even keep a panel together for one season – ousting Cheryl Cole in favor of wacko beauty Nicole Scherzinger because Cole was just a little too, how do I say, vocally British for the American public). Now, after one season of the show, he dropped Scherzinger and Paula, and brought in Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. Why? Season one was a complete failure. The ratings weren’t good, and, despite the judge’s attempts to cover it up, the talent just wasn’t great. The wrong winner won and has proceeded to expectedly do nothing – except for taking home the $5 million record deal. In most respects, nothing rewarding came from season one, besides from some of Scherzinger’s loony mannerisms while listening to her over-30 performer, runner-up Josh Krajcik.

What to Expect

The prize is still a $5 million record contract. I mean, somebody is bound to be good this year, right? That, I can’t predict. I can say, though, that if you choose X Factor you can expect:

– A host who…oh wait, they haven’t even decided on a host yet. Kelly Osbourne is apparently a finalist. If she gets it, perhaps Ozzy can perform and make the show infinitely better.

– A new Simon Cowell. Last year, he was anti-Cowell – bathetic and, dare I say, way too nice. He called the group “The Stereo Hogzz” one of the best groups he has ever seen on such a show. Who are the Stereo Hogzz? Exactly. He was trying to save his show by talking up every performer, good or bad. What he forgot is people like mean Cowell. They want the snarky British humor from a well-groomed ogre. He will return if he wants The X Factor to have a season 3.

– The trademark L.A. Reid, Night at Roxbury, head nod.

– One of the new judges is going to be GREAT. The other is going to be terrible. I just have a hunch.

– Justin Bieber as a mentor to L.A. Reid’s team. Guarantee he gets the guy or girl under-30 category stocked with one or two young kids that Bieber can actually ‘mentor’. For some reason, I can’t imagine a 45-year-old struggling blues artist taking advice from Bieber.

– Overly theatrical productions that near on grotesque and hard-to-watch

And the Winner is:

A 16-21 year-old pop/rock artist with an inspiring story

The Voice

In Review

I will admit something. After the blind auditions, I turned the show off last year. I did watch the entire season one, though. Why did I turn it off? Because the vocal battles are nonsensical, Blake Shelton was going to pick a team stacked with quirky female singers that remind him of his wife (and one male performer who will win), and I couldn’t keep looking at Christina Aguilera’s attempt at being 20 again. Also, it wasn’t difficult to predict that the winner was going to be a clone of the winner of season one. This season, though, despite the judges remaining the same, the show producers have changed things up a little bit. In the battle rounds, where a coach picks between two members of their team, the other coaches have a chance to steal the booted performer.

What to Expect

– Cee-Lo will be the coolest judge but lose. Why? I’m not sure. If there was a judge competition, I’d choose him. That should be some consolation.

– This is the year that Aguilera has a wardrobe malfunction. When you play with fire, eventually something is going to pop out of cleavage-exposed tight shirts for girls 20 years younger than you. Cee-Lo will consequently have a heart attack and his cat will revive him.

– Carson Daly will say the phrase “record deal” more than 50 times over the course of the season.

And the Winner Is:

Javier Colon…no, wait…Jermaine Paul…no, wait…

I actually think a quirky female singer will finally win this year, but, get this…she will not be on Blake’s team!

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