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Things to Never Do: Terrible Album Covers

20 Oct

What goes into an iconic album cover? In order to understand horrendous and hilarious album covers, it is necessary to create a point of comparison. Let’s take a look at the winner of the Best Album Cover poll that the Music Court ran back in May.

The unforgettable Nevermind album cover (created by Robert Fisher) is considered one of the greatest album covers of all time. What is great about it? It is naturally symbolic and expressive without being forced. It is both simple and complex and actually works as a parallel to the music on the album which also is simple Grunge with complex lyrical and emotional elements. It works exceptionally well and has staying power. The staying power comes from the album cover being a memorable image, similar to Dark Side of the Moon and Abbey Road. It will stick in the minds of listeners and viewers for that matter.

So…what makes a terrible album cover. I would define a bad album cover as one that does not have staying power. The image may be good for a cheap laugh or a long “what the hell is this,” but after the initial glimpse the cover is out of memory. Let’s go through a few sure things to keep in mind if you want to avoid an album cover from hell.

– The cover cannot be over-the-top

– The cover cannot be overly weird

– The cover cannot include members of the band posed for a picture. It’s just bad. Stop doing it

– The cover should also not have members of the band looking away from the camera purposely. Seriously, the Beatles did it well. Everything else is cliche

Those are just a few bad moves. Like every good class though we need some examples. Right? So, here we go. The seven worst album covers ever.

1.) Bad Reputation by The Ritchie Family

What’s wrong with this besides the implied inter-racial motorcycle orgy? Exactly. How could this pass? Seriously, this album cover is scary. This cover is over-the-top and just odd. And, if your eyes can somehow go back onto this photo…look at the dog. Why is their a dog on the cover? Like there wasn’t enough bestiality represented already. Next.

2.) Jesus Use Me by The Faith Tones

I almost feel bad for the three ladies on the cover. I am sure back when this album came out “Jesus Use Me” implied something remarkably different than what it means now. But, wow, this is still god awful. Everything from the hair to the matching collared whatever the heck those are. I wont comment on the name of the album anymore because that is a completely different joke for a different post. But, the corniness of their pose is alarming. And, I have a serious fear that the hair on Faith Tone one may eat her face if it gets hungry.

3.) Lovehunter by WhitesnakeAm I allowed to post this on my blog or will I be shut down for posting pornographic images. Look, Whitesnake, I understand that you are sexually frustrated. But, if you want to put libidinous material on an album cover it may be a good idea to keep it less obvious. I don’t think anyone is looking at this album and not thinking of disgusting snake rape. Also, if anyone is still with me over here (the post is down here fans of snake rape) look at how big that snake is. Also, what is on her arm? Whitesnake, this is over-the-top of over-the-top. Seriously, gross.

4.) By Request Only by Ken

Yes. This has got to be it. The best of the worst. Ken, you just made my night. You see this just can’t be serious. We got this photo in the back of Ken (I suppose) sitting and smiling. That is bad. Not terrible, just bad. It violates the policy of not taking a staged photograph of yourself and putting it on the album cover. But, it becomes terrible and frightening when we get the superimposed close up of Ken, up close and personal, looking into our souls. This is legitimately scary. Ken, the classic man of the 70s and possessor of potentially the greatest bad album of all time. But, we still have more.

5.) Back to the Sh*t by Millie Jackson

Alright, so let me set the scene. Millie Jackson just got back from a long night of partying and buying a completely random flower vase with flowers for the floor of her dappled bathroom. She forgot to use the bathroom before she left and is craving the toilet. So, off one shoe goes and we get a snapshot of her taking a dump. Alright, I am glad we have that clear. I am going to go throw up. I have nothing against pooping, but, why the heck would this be your album cover? Why would you name your album Back to the Sh*t. Ken told you to do it right?

6.) Just read the album cover.

We are going foreign for this one and I believe I only have one thing to say. Kraghe has taken over the world of terrible photo manipulation. Imagine being on a boat and seeing him rise from the sea, smiling, in disco attire. Do the hustle and scream in terror.

7.) The Many Facets of Roger by Roger?

What a great way to end? Roger. Is that you Roger? Oh, hey Roger smiling. Roger knows best. Roger thinking. Roger’s sexy face. Is there anything to the fact that many of these terrible album covers come from the disco era? Well, thank goodness disco is dead.

Well, there you have it. Album covers that explore a deep level of horrid. So, what do you think is the worst? Roger!?! Oh, thank god, he is right there. I thought I lost him for a second.

Flying Lotus – Recoiled

12 Oct

Hello all! I have been super busy with work and school, but here is a post!

(POST)

Fall is upon us! The cold catches us sleeping as we make the best of the fleeing sun. With hopeless bliss we under dress but then disease spreads without mercy. As we struggle, throat sore and head aching, school catches up to us just to tell us that we are behind. But you just want to party. And before you know it winter is here and fall was just a blur.

But fear not! I have the solution!

*I reach into my music library and play a song*

This is Flying Lotus. He will aid you on your journey through fall and prepare you for the coming winter. And his music will leave its impression on your forever, so you will remember this season in at least one way.

This song he skillfully conjured up using three ingredients; melodic harps and spacey vibes, random electronic sounds and sampled video game noises, and a wrapper of the illest hip-hop beats ever to hold it all together.

Its name is Recoiled and it is featured on his album titled Cosmogramma. It leaves you startled and confused. But although fall can be just so (startling and confusing), you have to remember about the pretty leaves on the trees. This song can easily be a red, orange, and yellow, dance party in a dying forest, one from which you were recoiled.

And what a gangster party that would be. This guy does what most hip-hop artist can’t even dream of doing. 2:54 is so fucken hip it should give you shivers and an urge to bounce (or hop).

And he does it all without even saying a word. The many different sounds just blend into shining tides of peaceful exploration of technological mystery. Its tells a story and words aren’t even needed. This is true experimental hip-hop in all its beautiful glory.

And according to most hipsters, this album is one of the most revolutionary things to happen this year. Thank you hipsters. I recommend listening to the entire thing, because it cannot be described in words. It will turn your fall into a rise.

Oh and apparently Flying Lotus was inspired to make this album after having tried DMT for the first time. &)
-oko

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Six Degrees of Your Ipod: Monday Edition

4 Oct

It’s Monday night! For many that means Monday Night Football (which is on mute right now on the television next to me). For others it means an end of the first day of the work week. For me it means Six Degrees of your Ipod. Why is it the Monday edition you ask? Well, coincidentally I turned on my Ipod with the intention of doing this post and “Monday, Monday” by the Mamas and the Papas started playing. So, enjoy another edition of SDYI. A terrible acronym, I know.

1.) “Monday, Monday” by the Mamas and the Papas

This 1966 classic written by John Phillips is the perfect Monday song. Billboard agrees. It is the only Mamas and Papas’ song that reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. The song features excellent vocal harmony and the underrated voice of Dennis Doherty.

2.) “Brain” by The Action

3.) “The End of the Innocence” by Don Henley

4.) “I Want to Tell You” by The Beatles

5.) “Zak and Sara” by Ben Folds

6.) “Yakety Yak” by the Coasters

Hey. If you don’t take out the trash and do your chores, you ain’t gonna rock n’ roll no more. This line is iconic. Yakety Yak, Don’t talk back. I heard this song way before I got into oldies. It is just one of those songs. Written by the wonderful songwriting duo of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller – who also wrote songs like “Hound Dog” and “Kansas City” – “Yakety Yak” became a hit for The Coasters (who would later go down as one of the best acts of rock n’ roll. Seriously, this band was influential.) Also, come on, who did not see the anthropomorphic yak in “Yakety Yak” the Nickelodeon show.

The Connection:

Okay, how can I make a connection between “Yakety Yak” and “Monday, Monday” besides that they are good examples of title alliteration. Think, think, think. Oh, I got one. Ready. “Yakety Yak” was performed by Sha Na Na during their famous *oh my, why are we at Woodstock* set during the Woodstock music festival. Also at that festival was one Jimi Hendrix, who made an appearance at the Monterey Pop Festival as well two years earlier. Who also performed in Monterey? None other than the Mamas and the Papas who belted out “Monday, Monday” at the conclusion of their set. So, Coasters to Sha Na Na through Jimi and on to Monterey and the Ms and Ps.

Omar Rodriguez-Lopez Group – Live

27 Sep

Hello everyone! I have been very busy doing college stuff and have just found time to post again. I got a job delivering calzones and am very happy because now I will have money to buy stuff like CDs! (or just drugs and dumb hippy shit likes plants for my room)

I should have posted this earlier, but on 9/17 I experienced a life changing series of events which compare with my better acid trips. I saw, with many car issues e.g. a flat tire, the Omar Rodriguez-Lopez group live in NYC’s Highline Ballroom!

And that was only the best video I could find. If you could only imagine the rest of the show, you probably should quit your day job and be making music.

Omar was the guy wearing that awesome shirt and standing behind and to the right of the drummer. The drummer, Deatoni Parks, is only one of the drummers that Omar hires (the group’s linup changes on a regular basis), but yea. You just watched that video, right? He’s pretty cool.

I was hallucinating. Like for real. At one point the entire crowd vanished and I was standing there with energy pouring out of an opening in my chest and going into my mind which was then redirecting it to my hands. Among the settings was space, the egyptian desert, and some south american jungles.

And after a certain AC show I went to last summer (which I will write about in the future), I have vowed to only go to shows sober, a policy I adhered to this particular night as well.

When the hallucinations weren’t happening I would close my eyes and sway madly to the rhythm. People around me usually become uneasy when I do this because I tend to sway in odd time signatures and I imagine I must look like a cultist. But if you are passionate and actually listen to music, it is the right thing to do.

I was utterly stunned by the show. Too the point were I stayed after to watch Omar’s younger brother packing up and signing autographs. I didn’t need one because the group had signed my soul. And besides the main man had fled too quickly!

To Omar:
Omar your on-stage mannerisms live up to your music splendidly. If you are reading this then ergsaeriukhgsieuhrgliahoiagaoieurhgaerhgoiuerhg to you too : )
And I still can’t figure out what exactly it is your music does. It’s definitely some psychological or emotional rhythm changes which you have discovered and which have yet to be scientifically studied. For now they are simply known as “Holy shit dude did you feel that?”, “yea man wtf was that?”, “I dunno, but this song is SO good”, “yea man”.

Just one thing though man. Just one thing which kept the show from being the most influential experience of my life. As a whole anyway, because some parts didn’t have this wrong with them. And maybe I am just too young to understand. But I just don’t like her voice man. I may not understand Spanish, but I feel like it doesn’t fit with the face-melting musical beauty – it steals the spotlight.

Somehow though I feel like you already know this. And you are doing it because you are a legend and can. You are fucking with us, the crowd. But your presence is so overwhelming that this was the first show I was at were people didn’t even ask for an encore, simply out of respect, and so I guess it’s alright. Carry on my friend, for it is all of our dreams to be like you… and I will be there one day & )

Oh and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you!


-oko

p.s. Cedric’s an alot better singer lolwtfbbqbias

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Six Degrees of Your Ipod #3: The Glorious Return

16 Sep

Will this be one of the songs? I don't know. This post is happening in real time

I forgot how much I liked this post category. It was lost in all of the song of the days and court links over the summer. But, in searching for something to post today I came across this category and chose it for a solid Thursday post. By the way, my laptop had a slight problem around two weeks ago that caused my file of lyricists to be deleted. So, I need to create a new list. Top 100 lyricists will be back, but, not for a while. Now let us explore how the first and sixth song that randomly appear on my Ipod relate to each other. The Six Degrees of Kevin…I mean…your Ipod

1.) “10538 Overture” by Electric Light Orchestra

“10538 Overture” was the first single released by Electric Light Orchestra. This song was actually intended to appear as the B-Side of one of The Move’s (British rock band featuring Roy Wood) singles. Rick Price, of the Move, played bass on the track but was never credited because in edits the bass line was lost and ELO everything Jeff Lynne had to lay down a new track. The song, about an escaped prisoner, is perhaps best known for its fantastic guitar riff and cello. Lynne writes, “I had this guitar track, like a real big riff on a guitar. I laid it down in the studio and Roy Wood got his cello, his Chinese cello, and he overdubbed about fifteen cello riffs, just double tracking all the time– and it sounded fantastic. We thought, it was like ‘Wow!’ and we just sat round playing it for days.”

2.) “Dominoes” by Syd Barrett

3.) “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

4.) “That is Moves” by Greg Laswell

5.) “And Your Bird Can Sing” by The Beatles

6.) “Groovin” by the Young Rascals

Ah, 1967. The Young Rascals release the future number one hit, “Groovin” a classic 60’s song about love and a calm summer afternoon. The ultimate 60’s chill song written by Felix Cavaliere and Eddie Brigati. It also has some excellent diversity. The song includes elements of Afro-Cuban music including a Cuban-based bass guitar line from session musician Chuck Rainey.

The Connection:

Okay, this may not please everyone but these two bands are connected more on their music then their members. Let me explain. The Young Rascals hail from New Jersey. ELO is from Birmingham, England. It’s going to be tough to connect them. But, let’s look at these two songs more in depth. The Rascals, who were always considered blue eyed soul, release this new song with Afro-Cuban beats and a relaxed groove that is completely different than their white-soul roots. So much so that Atlantic Records head Jerry Wexler initially did not want to release the song. Flash forward five years and ELO is taking normal rock n’ roll and adding horns and strings to it in order to create a different classical sound. Both bands expanded their genre and had success. That, to me, is connection enough.


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